So my weight is staying steady at 9 pounds down, 271. I had gotten down to 270, but I put a pound back on where I've missed my shakes most of this week. I'm also super stressed and getting depressed due to personal shit, and that's not helping. Not to mention next week is shark week. I've been munching a lot. Again, not on unhealthy foods, but more than I should. Except for that dill dip that I destroyed yesterday, and then read the label: 11g of fat per serving; I had like 8 servings. Whoops. Oh well. Lesson learned. LOL! Also excepting the 67 chocolate chip cookies I ate on Mother's Day. Luckily I wasn't treated to any kind of brunch, or lunch, or dinner where I might have had to make a decision about healthy eating. No. I had to make my own food that day. So I guess it worked out. I haven't had my shakes three times this week, which is also bugging me. I don't want to fall off the wagon. I love the shakes, and they help me. I haven't lost a ton of weight, but I went to lunch with Sarah (we both got salads!) and (this is embarrassing) I fit in the booth. Without my stomach touching the table. So I can SEE the results. They're there, in black and white. I miss the energy, I miss the fullness, and I think not having had time to make them has wreaked havoc on my cravings. I've really, really, REALLY been craving chocolate. Not so much sweet, just chocolate. Today I got some Dark Chocolate and Salted Caramel Ghiradelli squares that are individually wrapped so I can grab one, satisfy that craving, and keep my intake to a respectable "heart healthy antioxidant" amount of chocolate and not the "stuffing a King-sized Snickers down my gullet" PMS binge. But I needed something to quell that thirst, and I figure that's the best way to approach it.
I'm also still struggling with drinking enough fluids. I've been drinking 16-32 oz of lemonade every day to try and mush up some of those kidney stones. The rest of the day after coffee and shake I'm sipping water. But truth be told, I have a few sips of water and don't take another for an hour. It's. So. HARD. #thingsannoyingfatpeoplebitchabout I think I'm around 1/2 gallon a gallon a day of fluid intake, plus maybe more, but I'm not measuring so I don't really know. I bought 25 gallons of water so I'd have one gallon to carry around and drink every day, but some asshole I live with keeps on using it for the kids, or for cooking, or for sugary powdered drinks. (See paragraph #2.) So anyway, it's hard to get a good read on it. I have no idea how I'm supposed to do all the shit I need to do in a day AND drink that much fluid, let alone find the time to let it back out. Jeez.
I feel like this post is just bitching, which might be beneficial, but I'll stop now and save it for my therapist. I start going tomorrow. First order of business is to deal with above referenced home stress, and then move on to more personal things, and then finally, beg her to hypnotize me to never want to eat butter and sugar again. Or chocolate. I wonder how many things you can be hypnotized for? My mom quit smoking after a session with a hypnotist, so it really works to boost your will power. But I don't know if she can be all like, "Listen to my voice... You are feeling very sleepy. You feel full. You are not hungry. You are disgusted by brownies. And pasta. Butter is just grease and cream and while it sounds delicious it makes you want to vomit. So does a thick, juicy, marinated rib eye. You know it's so gross." Hm. Maybe I'll have to pay extra for that.
Peace!! (of chocolate cream pie in my dreams)