I haven't been exceedingly good this week. Though I have been busy, what with all my appointments for my damn kidneys, and softball, and the Spring Concert at school. Nevermind trying to get caught up on the laundry and clean up around the house, and make more healthy dinners for the fam. So let me say that I didn't expect to hit 271.5 when I stepped on the scale today. I mean, yesterday I skipped my shake for a corn muffin and had pasta for dinner, the day before I shame swallowed a candy bar while I was filling up the gas tank, and the night before that I had Tony go get me a greasy burger and rings from the local pub. I guess when your body is used to eating that shit ALL DAY, even the smallest changes pay off in a big way. So hooray for small victories!
I went grocery shopping today (not a big shop, just this and that, mostly water and milk), and decided to hit Walmart where I could load up on drinking water, laundry detergent, and snacks for the kids. I never knew it before, but I realized today that Walmart might be the WORST possible place to shop for food. I mean, I get it, it's Walmart. They're a dirtbag corporation juggernaut, in bed with Monsanto, treating their employees like shit, I GET IT. But there is no denying that they have the most affordable prices. But it wasn't until I went inside, hungry yet determined not to get junk, that I realized just HOW MUCH junk is IN YOUR FACE the whole time you're there. It overwhelmed me today. Maybe because while I was shopping last week at the regular grocery store I hardly left the produce and dairy isles, or maybe because I hadn't been to Wally World in a while, but it was like I walked in and immediately wanted to eat. Subconsciously, which is the worst part. It was an assault on my senses, my resolve crumbling as I spied Cheetos and frosted sugar cookies. Bright colors, bold statemements, stacks of food EVERYWHERE. And then I was thinking, "Ooooh, maybe I can get a and just eat one or two and give the rest to the kids." Or, "Holy SHIT! I didn't know they made these, they look amazing!" Or, "Oh yeah, I think we need chips for sandwiches." Old habits die hard, and having eaten like shit for the last 38 years it's hard to turn your brain around. To be honest, I was kinda proud of myself for noticing it so early before my cart was full of refined white flour and high fructose corn syrup and I decided it was just easier to check out than to put it all back. I WAS able to get some plain microwave popcorn, and some spreadable cheese for a cheese and crackers snack, but I didn't give in to the chips, or the ice cream, or the cookies, or the cakes, or anything Hostess, Oreo, or Pepperidge Farm branded. I even decided then, in the store, to forego the 1/2 & 1/2 on my list and try to work into having my coffee with whole milk. (IDK how I plan to do that, it's so gross, but everything just takes time to get used to, right?) I'm not sure I'll ever shop there again, to be honest. I mean, they have the cheapest prices, and they have the most stuff. It's a win-win. But to keep myself out of that trap is more important. I'd rather shop at Market Basket and have less selection but fresher, more abundant produce, and pay the little extra they charge to make sure I don't fall victim to the evil sugar fiend in my head. Somehow, when I was over getting cream cheese for my celery, I smelled cinnamon-bun-y goodness and my mouth started watering. I almost gave in right there, to "just one." But I remained steadfast, and I got out of there with water, cereal, and some snacks, but avoided the majority of the "middle isles" where the processed garbage is. It made me realize just how much marketing affects our brains. Not that I didn't know that already, but when it becomes commonplace, it doesn't SEEM like marketing anymore. But they still suck you in, without you even knowing. That's creepy.
I found out that my kidney issues are being caused by stones. Yaaaaayyyyy... I have a "cluster of stones, about 1 cm in diameter" in my right kidney. So I need to go in for a procedure on Tuesday to chop 'em up into dust so I can pee them out, and also to scope my bladder to see why there's still blood in my urine. Yaaaaayyyyy.... I asked the nurse why I was making these stones and she says, "Well, what do you drink in a day?" And I was like, "Ummm, coffee, one, maybe two cups, and then some iced tea or water." "How much water?" she says. "Like, you know, one or two 16-ish ounce glasses. Mostly after dinner." She looked at me and just let it out, "Well that's your problem. You're not drinking enough to flush the minerals out. They're sitting in your kidneys too long and creating stones. You need to drink more water." Drink more water?!?! Is she serious??? It'd be a full time job just to drink the 2 gallons a day I'm supposed to have. Granted, I know I need to drink more water, just seriously THAT much?!?! Yeesh! But I promise to TRY, and to commit to at least one whole gallon every day. I have to, to get rid of these kidney stones. And I don't want more kidney stones. So there you have it. It just must be.
Now I have to put those groceries away, start dinner, clean up, and help Gwen with her homework before getting her ready for her softball game tonight. Again... yeesh!