Monday, January 24, 2011

A Lot of Ifs, Ands, & Buts

Damn it, that was a rough weekend!  I'm finally feeling a bit better and am starting to graduate to real food again.  (The girls haven't gotten it... yet...)  Though I'm finding I'm having a particularly tough time trying to stay on track now.  I don't know if it was from how bad I felt, and how awful food was (never thought I'd say that), or if it's because my stomach shrank so much (why am I not EMBRACING this wonderful side effect???), or if it's because after I get sick I crave comfort foods and usually give in to meatball subs and french toast, or if it's because my rag is coming soon-ish, or what.  But it's really discouraging me.  I can't decide if I want to eat some comfort foods for a couple of days but just control my portions and see if I feel better and will get the appetite for better foods, or if I should just plug onward with broccoli for dinner and deal with the stomach ache.  I feel like if I ate comfort foods it might be like starting all over again even if I had portion control, kinda like a starving shark that catch a whif of fresh blood on the current and WHAMO! they're like a caged beast trying to escape with its life.

So yeah... I'm stuck and stressed and freaking out.  Only a little.  But I don't want to blow this.  I don't want to fall back into the fatass abyss like I always do.  And I understand that normal people can eat a 6" meatball sub and have no issue with it, even if they're not trying to lose weight.  Because they're starting low, if one meatball sub bloats them up a half a pound they'll lose it the next night with their typical veggie stir fry.

So what do I do?  Who knows.  But I think I'm going to have a meatball sub for dinner tonight; a small one, plain.  Because I'm finding that that which I truly crave is not substituted by consuming every other food in the house.  Ugh!  So far today I've eaten a banana, a PB&J, a handful of Baked Cheddar Ruffles, about 6 Russell Stover chocolates left over from Christmas, and just now about 1/2 cup of cherry pie filling with frozen fat free cool whip on it.  I TOLD you I'm losing all control!!!  And damn it if it isn't Aunt Flo's fault.  She's a dirty bitch.  I have about a week left of this PMS bullshit and I'm starting to wonder how much weight I can gain in a week.  Probably everything I've lost.  Because we ALL know it's a CINCH to gain weight, and a BITCH to get it off.

Regardless of all that shit, I've lost a total of 13 pounds.  My weight this morning was 263, which is AWESOME.  That's almost a pound a day, even with the wackiness of the flu and rehydrating.  My poop is almost solid again, which might help my body regulate better and use the food better.  I don't know if that's bullshit or not because I just made it up.  Sounds like a good theory, right?

Since I'm so far behind in blogging, I may try to catch up from this past weekend, I may not.  I don't want to be stressed about blogging or losing weight or changing my habits because I know myself and I know that being stressed and discouraged are my biggest pitfalls.  So I just have to change the way I look at things.  And if that means I don't get to go back in time and make 5 posts, then I don't.  I'd rather be unstressed, and posting current, and losing weight.  So we'll see how I feel.  Plus, I have the hankering to play with my sewing machine and I don't think I'd have time for that if I wanted to catch up blogging.  I didn't eat much anyway so I guess the posts would kinds be boring.  I mean, for you.

Much love,


  1. Savor that meatball sub, baby! And there are other healthy options besides broccoli. The thought of eating broccoli right after a stomach virus makes me queasy, so I can't imagine what your intestines think! Glad you're feeling mostly better!

  2. A meatball sub doesn't have to be terrible for you and I agree that if a craving is strong enough, it's better to cave to the craving then to eat a million other things trying to fill that void. Forget today and start fresh tomorrow. Do yourself a favor and throw away things like chocolates left from Christmas.

  3. I totally agree with Yellie that you should start fresh today and get junk out of the house. Having junk from the holidays in the house just makes it all that much more tempting and available. You are seriously an inspiration to me now. It's awesome to see you taking great care of yourself and doing it for YOU and no one else. You truly are such a strong woman and deserve to put yourself first. I can't wait for you and Yellie to come on the tour on the 12th so I can show you some great products and teach you some healthy eating tips. XOXO

  4. Agree with all of course. Eat the sub, but make it smart like you did. only go for a 6" and skip the cheese if possible. add in some veggies like carrots to help bulk it up. you are doing awesome! keep it up.


  5. Mandie you are doing great! I had the stomach bug a few weeks ago and too, found it hard to get back on track. Savor the meatball sub and there are healthy ways to enjoy it, turkey meatballs are great. Also look at fruits and veggies that fill you, bananas, grapes, carrots, etc. On WW these are all '0' have to keep portion control in mind:-)
    Good luck and keep it's hoping the girls stay healthy!

  6. It is good that you have that fear...the fear that even a TASTE will set off a binge!! BUT Mandie you can still eat that stuff, just in moderation.... ...skinny people eat meatball subs. They just dont get the foot long with the extra cheese like the rest of us!! BUT if you think its going to set you off, know your weakness. Suck down a diet coke and GO TO BED. :-)