Tuesday, January 18, 2011

MLK Monday - And That Mother Fucking Scale

AGAIN.  271.5.  Are you fucking kidding???  One day, okay; it's a fluke.  Two days???  Has to be that I gained 3 pounds overnight.  DAMN IT!  The weekend was OBVIOUSLY a bust, so I had to commit to doing my very best on the weekdays to insure that a couple of minimal slip ups on the weekends wouldn't derail my progress as much as it had.  Taking two steps forward and one step back every week would take me AGES to get to my goal.  With that in mind I set my sights on eating like a rabbit so I could re-lose what I gained sooner than later.

I woke up sick.  Not totally deathly ill, but really run down and so congested that I went through a box of tissues in just the morning.  I blew my nose so many times it was raw and scratchy by lunch.  Not a great way to start the week.  Thank goodness Tony was home to kid wrangle because I wanted to do nothing more than to sleep the day away.  Breakfast was Kashi Go Lean, which tasted remarkably like cardboard, and resembled rabbit food and bird seed combined in one box.  It wasn't delish, but it did satisfy, and it kept me full all morning.  I goofed off for a couple of hours and then decided to shower and do some more laundry, and we decided we'd take the kids to McDonald's for dinner and to play in the Play Place.  I put away some stuff that was already on hangers, folded the little girls' jammies, and decided I couldn't handle it.  I took a quick shower and crashed into bed, sleeping for as long as I could.  I have no idea how long it actually was, but I woke up with the low-blood-sugar-shakes at 3:30, and three kids screaming, "McDonald's!!!" in my ear.  I gathered some clothes for the kids, got some pants on, made myself a PB&J to take the edge off of not having eaten since breakfast.  I didn't gob on either, and I made it on rye, so it was as healthy as I could toss together for something to take in the car.

We let the kids play for about an hour, maybe more, before making them eat.  They had Happy Meals, Tony had a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese (which I realised is really just a Half Pounder with Cheese, and why didn't they just call it that?), and I had a salad.  It was the Bacon Ranch one, but again I went easy on the dressing.  I also got a hot cocoa, not a vanilla shake, made with skim milk and no chocolate.  Those fuckers were out of cocoa mix so they had to give me chocolate drizzle and mix it up, and it ended up not being very chocolaty at all.  Of course I snarfed a couple of fries from the kids' meals, but it was less than 10.  Not bad.

I managed to not snack at all because I schlepped around until just before 9 when I decided to go back to bed.  I was exhausted, and had no interest in ANYTHING at all, so I called it quits.  Being sick sucks.


Since I don't have any fun pictures, let's start talking goals.  I have several goals, several things driving me to finally lose the weight.  One of my main goals is to be able to put my wedding band and engagement ring on again.  I haven't been able to squeeze my fat fingers into either since I was about 2 months pregnant with the triplets.  Everyone asks why I haven't I just had them re-sized, and the answer is always the same: "I'm going to lose the weight."  I don't want them to stretch the gold and ruin the thickness, let alone the inscription.  But how long can I use the, "I'm going to lose the weight" excuse?  This year will mark Tony's and my 10th wedding anniversary.  Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to get them back on for that?  I think so.  Plus, I've been wearing these fake rings from Macy's for over 3 years now, and they're not nearly as beautiful as my real set.  So that's why I made Fitting Back Into my Rings one of my goals.  Here's the hysterical part... I think they're a size 6.5 and 6.75, and I was around 180 pounds, give or take, when I got them.  So I figure if I can get down to around 200 I should be able to get them on (and back off) without too much trouble.  We'll see.  But a goal is a goal and if it takes me getting to 180 to get them on, then God damn it I will.

Another really, really good reason I have for wanting to lose weight is my knees.  My knees have been FUCKED UP since I had the trio, so almost 3 years now, and I'm sick of it.  I can't kneel without pain and swelling for days afterwards, and forget crouching.  I crouched once in CVS to look at the make-up on the bottom of the wall and FELL OVER.  It was one of my most embarrassing moments.  I don't know if anyone saw, but I hope they didn't.  I literally got down half way, yelped - loudly, and fell onto my ass, my legs tangled up because my knees wouldn't bend.  And not only was it embarrassing, it hurt like HELL.  Oy.  I've gotten a few cortisone shots, which really help, but not long term.  And what I need is long term health for my knees.  I already have arthritis in the infancy stages on at least my left knee, and I don't want it progressing.  Since I'm already evolutionarily inferior with flat feet, my knees are meant to turn in.  Now that I'm so fat they aren't able to, and I think that a lot of the miniscus bruising I have is just from walking with too much weight on my legs.  My natural stride is no longer natural, and so it's forcing my knees to sit differently, and cause the pain.  (If you're interested at all, this program is wonderful, and taught me a lot: NGC's The Science of Obesity.)  Plus, I've read that for every 1 pound of weight you lose, you take 4 pounds of pressure off your knees.  That would mean if I can lose the full 75 pounds of weight, that would relieve 300 - THREE HUNDRED! - pounds of pressure of my knees with EVERY step.  No wonder my knees are so fucked up.  So that's why I made My Knee Health one of my goals.

I'll go over more goals another day.  Right now I have the Heavy premiere on DVR that I am dying to see.  I have a feeling it will be a super motivator, and I am really, really excited to watch it.

Much love,

5 comments:

  1. I love that you listed your goals. I'm not brave enough to publicize my goals yet but your courage inspires me!

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  2. Sweet Mandie! Your doing good! From 1 food whore to another, I've lost 48 lbs in 4 months but I'm doing it with assistance. Both my husband and I hit up our doctor in Sept and started taking adipex. He's lost the same as me. I have to exercise though too b/c taking the pills and eating less and better doesn't cut it for me. It's totally made me change the way I view food. Nothing like spending an extra $60 a month just on pills and copays to keep me on track. LOL! I finally got back into a size 18 and can fit into my wedding dress again from 10 years ago...1st time in that 10 years. You can do this girl! I feel so much better already and hope I can keep going and lose at least 2 more sizes. I'll never be a skinny bitch but hopefully I can be a less fat bitch!

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  3. Great goals! I miss seeing your beautiful rings when I see you! And, you know, your knees not being fucked up and stuff is good too. ;-)

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  4. Mandie -
    I think this is AWESOME! I joined WW in October and have lost 19 lbs. without incorporating excercise yet, I had to lose some weight b/f I tried to excercise so I wouldn't get completely discouraged. It is forcing me to change my eating habits, it isn't easy at all. I'm inspired by your willingness to share this battle with all of us! I have watched my mom struggle with her weight and different physical ailments caused by her weight for years and she couldn't do stuff with us growing up. Now that I have my own kids I want to ensure that I can truly enjoy them and do activties with them. Keep it up with all that you do, you are such and inspiration!

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  5. I love the goals! I am so excited for you and can't wait to follow your progress.

    However, I'm pissed about how fat my fingers are compared to you! :)

    (this is joyco from the MoMs board, btw, just if you didn't know already...)

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